I am so tired of feeling miserable. So tired of feeling sad and hurt. So tired of being hurt by people who claim to love me. I am tired, emotionally, mentally and physically… I am tired of trying to fix it all when I am the only one trying. Maybe it is my fault that nothing has changed…

2:19 pm  •  23 October 2011

For the last few weeks I am having trouble getting to sleep. I always pass out maybe 2 hours before having to wake up and spend time with my boyfriend, make his lunch, eat breakfast together and get him out the door to work. Then my daughter always wakes up just to spite me :P I love my life….but I need rest! lol

Val hasn’t said a word to me still but that’s fine. She can take all the time she needs as I am doing the same. Just taking time to meditate and focus on my little family and laugh, smile and be truly happy with the two most important people in my life! Allowing myself to talk to people I may be nervous about talking to and not as close to. Broaden my horizons, if you will lol.

Otherwise, things are pretty good…ignoring my dad telling me every living thing possible about that woman he thinks is “the one”. *thumbs up* I go to see my friend Laura today and I am excited as I have missed her so much. I wish I could see her and our mutual friend Kristyn more often but they work so much (multiple jobs) plus school for Laura. I joined a mommy group that a friend of mine, Tara, is a part of. Should be fun when I can actually join a meet up :)

My daughter now says hi a lot :) stands on her own, which is sooo cute!!! My little Seamonkey is amazing!!! I am so happy and blessed to have her as my own :D

This weekend Dan and I are going out for dinner possibly, we shall see what we feel like doing lol but he wants to take me out and help me relax after a week of being a mommy all alone :P and dealing with my dad. Not needed but sooo appreciated!!! he is the most amazing boyfriend ever! Lucky me! ;P

Well thought I would try to waste some time and possibly tire myself out but I have NOTHING to write about LOL

2:10 am  •  11 October 2011

I love that I have friends just bailing and then a week later saying I needed time to myself while a bunch of us worry about them. BUT when I say ahead of time that I need time to myself, I am told not to. “Noooo don’t close yourself off. That is the worst thing you can do” for real? A few of these people have 0 going on in their lives to even necessitate being stressed and needing time alone. Bullshit.

I miss Valerie. She needed her time to herself recently…even now it is still going. I hope she gets what she needs. But she needs and deserves it. It makes sense. I was just so worried about her, with her being sick and all. I didn’t know what to think and it added to my stress which isn’t a nice feeling when I am dealing with a lot right now. But that little rant isn’t for her. Its the people who just suck all the time. -_- *sigh* I loves the Valerie and hope she is having a good week.

Next rant!!! I have been debating writing this but I doubt anyone reads my stuff so here it is….

My mom died of Cancer in 09 as I have said. This October will be 2 years. I am freaking because I know you never get over it but I haven’t moved past it at all. I miss her more every day and to be honest I don’t think I got enough time to just grieve. She died October 27th and I found out I was pregnant at the end of January. And instead of grieving in between, I spent ALL my time, talking and seeing the man I am now with and madly in love with. After being pregnant, I didn’t want to stress baby but did anyways with my boyfriend being bad but I worried and cried over that…not my mom. And now I focus on my child and boyfriend and friends. The little amount of friends I have. My dad months after my mom died…started joining dating sites. He met a woman in NC and was just gone to her all the time. Gone for weeks to NC and spending all his hard earned money on her instead of maybe helping his family (we are living here until we are on our feet). He even came home at one point and we were looking at cribs and he said OH I bought one for *name kept secret* (The woman’s daughter in law) I guess since you’re my daughter I should buy you one too. My daughter was 6 months before we had the room for a crib and in the end? We bought it. He complains about being broke but sees no connection with having mutual accounts with this woman. He now has another woman and is slightly ignoring NC woman. I called him Friday night (Sept 30) thinking he was coming home before heading to new woman and he said nope on my way. “we’re pretty much married y’know, oh not funny just a joke” no I laughed…awkwardly and my heart died…He had known her only a week through emails and had her stay the weekend 2 weekends ago. I was terrified for my child because who knows how she is or is capable of. I am hurt because my mom deserves better in her memory.

My dad is a hoarder and keeps saying I am done, lets just toss everything but does nothing. I clean the house top to bottom all the time. With the help of my boyfriend who now works 12 hour days 3-4 days a week…a temp job. My dad gets home and sits around on phone like a 15 year old girl…*sigh*

RANT RANT RANT….I feel like I need to get away not just turn off phone and leave sites alone…but I can’t.

2:39 pm  •  5 October 2011

thedrunkenmoogle:

The Drink is a Lie (Portal cocktail)

Ingredients:
Cheap Beer

Directions: This is more of a fun joke to pull on someone than an actual drink.  Start getting a Martini glass. Put some Fancy garnish on it. Get a cheap beer from the fridge. Pour it into the fancy-made glass while the customer sees it and serve. Tell the customer that of course there is beer in it, as the drink was a lie.

Great idea and photography by Scrollbar.dk.

5:31 pm  •  29 September 2011  •  412 notes

thedrunkenmoogle:

Red vs. Blue (Halo Shot)
Served at Mana Bar, this shot consists of blue curacao layered on top of Dekuyper Sour Grapefruit and raspberry cordial.  Sarge would be proud.
Created by Shay Leighton, cocktail designer and bartender of Mana Bar. 

5:20 pm  •  29 September 2011  •  342 notes

thedrunkenmoogle:

The Domfather (Gears of War Cocktail)

Ingredients:
1 shot black cherry rum
1 shot Captain Morgan’s rum
1 shot grenadine
Sprite
Lemonade 

Directions:  Mix first three ingredients and pour over ice in a highball or pint glass.  Fill the rest of the glass with half Sprite and half lemonade.  Drink it down and KILL ALL LOCUST!

Story Behind the Drink: This drink was co-created by Carlos Ferro, the voice actor of Dom in the Gears of War games.  While at E3 2011, Drunken Moogle reader Joe Fronczek met Ferro at a Gears of War 3 after party.  They attempted to order a Crimson Omen, but the bar unfortunately didn’t have all the ingredients, so they made their own drink- the Domfather.  Below is a picture of Ferro/Dom and Fronczek at the bar.

(Drink created by Carlos Ferro and Joe Fronczek.  Thanks for the submission, guys!)

5:10 pm  •  29 September 2011  •  526 notes

thedrunkenmoogle:

Metroid (Metroid Cocktail)

Ingredients:

1/2 shot Bacardi Big Apple Rum
1/2 shot Coconut Rum
1/2 glass Kiwi Strawberry Minute Maid (or Kool-Aid)
A little less than 1/2 a glass Sprite
3 Strawberries

Directions: Shake the two rums and Kiwi Strawberry Minute Maid and pour into a lowball glass.  Add the Sprite for a bit of flavor and carbonation. Drop in three strawberries as a garnish.  If you choose, you can use your ice beam freezer to cool the alcohol before you make the drink.

(Drink created by The Drunken Moogle.  Photography by Meredith Shelton)

4:57 pm  •  29 September 2011  •  780 notes

“You hear people say it all the time, how life changes so drastically. But you can’t possibly grasp how beautiful that is until you have your child - Pink”

12:49 am  •  25 September 2011  •  1 note

Awesome *thumbs up*I am staying positive but a little rant here and there is good no? ;)

My boyfriend and I are doing well. He is getting work and it is a nice feeling :)

Our daughter is 1 as of beginning of September and she is amazing. Such a great personality. Her and Dan keep me smiling all the time. They are all that keeps me sane to be completely honest.

My dad is….my dad. I guess….

I have been in constant stress, depression, anxiety, paranoia, since my mom died in 2009. It is hard for me trust others and at this moment I trust my brother (his wife), my bf, our daughter and that is about it. I love my extended family (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc. but they are nowhere near and hard for me to talk to about any of this.)

I really don’t have anyone at the moment to talk to. To get all this out to…I talk to my bf but that only goes so far.

Lonely feeling after spending so much time with friends right before getting pregnant *thumbs up*

Enough of the cry baby crap.

I CAN NOT wait for Hallowe’en!!!! My daughter is dressing up! First time!

Besides that…. October 27th 2011 being the 2 year anniversary of my mom dying : / how does it get harder as time goes on? I thought people said it gets easier….

That is all I suppose.

Stay Positive and an open mind and all will be right :)

10:35 pm  •  24 September 2011

“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’ - Erich Fromm”

— www.brainyquote.com

2:10 am  •  18 May 2011